Quit Your Business to Stay Home with Your Children?

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I recently watched a TV show about a business owner whose business was doing well before having children. However, over the next four years after having children, she found it difficult to keep her business afloat. She was torn between managing her home and being a mother and showing up for work where she'd earn an income. She appeared exhausted and acknowledged feeling drained.

It seemed as if she had lost her passion for her business, despite her claims otherwise. Unfortunately, the business was now struggling so much that she was on the verge of losing her home since she and her spouse had borrowed against it. 

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It seemed to me that the mentor of the show was not a mother herself. Those who haven't experienced raising preschoolers have a lot of good theories, but unless they've been in the trenches, have little idea of how demanding the role is. 

For this mom to continue working full-time she'd have to find childcare for the children. Although many mothers do so, for others paying for childcare is not feasible financially if they merely break even. Even once a child is in school, there is still a need for childcare before and after school hours. (The school my children attended in British Columbia, Canada went only until 2:30 pm!)

Ultimately, a mother's heart is with her children, and both their needs must be considered. It takes a prayerful family to make the right decision.

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Every mother wants to be successful in both her career and family life, but sometimes it's not possible to do both. Something is always sacrificed. 

The mentor hinted at the possibility of the woman selling the business since she was losing $2,000 monthly! That's the opton I would have chosen. But it's a decision only she can make. 

Art by Rosalie Garde

My choice as a mother was that it was important to cherish the time with my kids when they were young and growing. It's a one-time only opportunity. 

I wanted to share this story because I'm sure many women find themselves in a similar place of weighing the option of enjoying outside work with its camaraderie, mental stimulation, and income versus caring for their children fulltime. But this woman wasn't putting in enough hours to even take home a paycheck, so what was the point?

I chose to stay home mom leaving my job of fourteen years behind. It was time. 

If you find yourself at such a crossroads, I want to encourage you to seek God and make the decision your heart wants to make without pressure from an outsider, a mentor, a friend, or a relative. Make the decision you feel compelled by God to make. Then trust it will work out. 

A Book for Women Considering becoming a Stay-At-Home Mom

 

I started writing a version of this book back when my children were small. Working on it was my sanity. It was something for me to do to stimulate my mind once I left the workforce to become a stay-at-home mom to my children. 

You see, we'd moved out west to a city I knew no one. I had to make new connections and I was lonely as a stay-at-home mom. 

I'd gone to a Christian bookstore in search of support by way of a book since I had no local friend. But I couldn't find the kind of book I sought. I left the store disappointed. And before long, decided to write the book I could not find. 

Then years passed and I revisited the manuscript. It wasn't good. It needed lots of changes because it had such a negative bent. But instead of scrapping it altogether, I rewrote a shortened version of some key points. This is the result, finalized on Amazon in 2019.

I have barely promoted it, more or less relying on moms to find it. I know some of the ideas are probably irrelevant to today's women but I hope that one mom who finds it and reads it finds some encouragement in it. 

Please look for it on your regional Amazon page. It is able to be viewed on any digital device. You don't have to own a Kindle device. 

A Letter to My Former Self

 A letter to my former at-home mom self:

Dear new at-home mom,

There is so much I could tell you but will keep the list short.

💗 First I want to mention that you won't regret being there for your children through each stage of their lives.

💗 God will provide the finances and, if you're fortunate, one day you'll not worry so much about money.

💗 Some friendships you'll develop during your children's preschool and early school days will be very meaningful, but for some reason, some friends you thought you'd have for life will abandon you later.  Be a good friend and enjoy each stage while it's there.

💗 You will never lose the craving to do more with your life, but you might be happier if you try to be content. You might be more content if you'd quit looking at classified job ads.  

💗 You'll need to encourage yourself. You are doing an important job. What you do matters to God even if it doesn't seem to matter to anyone else. 

💗 Points of view of other moms and dads will be hard to handle.  Don't expect everyone to be just like you or to understand you.

💗 If you're an introvert, you may find yourself flung into uncomfortable situations. Motherhood is tough work. We do it for our children's sakes and for our heart.

💗 Loneliness behind four walls isn't just your problem.  It is a condition all at-home moms face at times.  Reach out to others.  

💗 Hands-on mothering will almost be finished by the time your youngest child turns 10.  It's over very quickly.  You may feel a little lost and sad. But you may also feel a yearning to return to work.  

💗 Write, create art, garden, exercise and do the things you love. These are passions God has given you. Develop them when you have time and money to do so. 

💗 You will evolve and grow. Try not to fear the future. Just be yourself without comparing your life to that of others. 

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight.